Thursday, November 3, 2011

A Devil In My Ear

I'm stressing myself out.  I'm feeling guilty for not accomplishing enough.

See that bag?  That's a rag doll that I've been working on.  Actually, not working on.  That's the problem.

Here's the reason why:

But the truth of the matter is, I'm taking excellent care of two toddlers and a new baby.  Everyone is fed, dressed, played with, read to, and talked to.  My husband is fed, loved, and given as much time to himself and with me as is currently possible.  So I'm actually doing quite well.

Here's dear St Therese (the rag doll).

Isn't this adorable?  It comes from Waltzing Matilda.  So clever.

I'm making her for my two-year-old daughter.  I started her right before the new baby was born.  I thought "I'll whip this off in a few weeks time."  That was a crazy thought.  Even without a baby this would take forever.

Last night I started wondering why my lack of crafty-time was upsetting me.  When my second child was born, I didn't feel badly about not getting crafts done.  But I think somehow I found more time then-I remember knitting a blanket for a future niece.  I have time at night, but I'm too tired to cross stitch, so I just veg on the couch with my husband while we take turns holding the baby.

I think I'm definitely entitled to this vegging.  But deep down inside I must be feeling guilty about it.  I've got a devil in my ear.  He's telling me that I'm not doing things well enough so that my final stores of energy will be zapped and I'll fall into despair.

Only I'm wise to him.

Even though I realize this thought is irrational, I'm still bothered by this nagging feeling of laziness.  I have to constantly tell myself that it's merely a feeling and not grounded in truth.  As someone once told me "you have three babies, there is no possible way you could be lazy."  And that's true.

I also need to tell myself to slow down and look at the little miracle in my arms.  She won't be an infant forever.  There will be plenty of time for St Therese in the near future.  But for now, I'm on snuggle duty.

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